A Skype conversation?!

   Last week, P&J and I were texting one morning after I had gotten off from work. (Oh, P&J is going to be how I refer to my Peace and Joy from now on. I just thought of it because I want something shorter and making female pronouns all caps gets confusing when other women might be mentioned.) Our texting is nothing new. What made this morning significant was that she asked "what I was doing later this evening?"

   The question struck me as odd because she typically knows what I'm doing; watching tv or getting ready to take my afternoon nap before work. I told her as such. She then asked, "Would you like to Skype with me?" Even more surprised but extremely happy, I replied, "sure." That was probably the biggest undersell of my life! I asked her about what time she thought. She said "6 pm."

  We kept on texting but my mind began wondering what she wanted to say that required a Skype call. The overthinking began: Was this bad news, was she going to stop talking to me, or did she meet someone last week? All the same, I was still very excited to see her face later that day.

   Later that evening, I was waiting to hear from her to see if she had gotten home and was ready. It was almost an hour later that what she had said. She wanted to shower first and then she would be ready. Truth be told, I was getting sleepy but I wasn't going to forego this opportunity.

  At last, we are talking to one another via Skype. We greet each other and make a little small talk. She still looks the same. Her nails are natural, as opposed to acrylic tips. Her eyes are still green. Her smile is the same and he cheeks are full. Hair is full of curly brown hair. I try to observe everything I can about her.

  I finally ask why she wanted to Skype. She said she wanted to see me. She hadn't seen me in awhile and she wanted to see my face. She didn't want to keep me long because she wanted me to sleep before work. We talked for a few more minutes then said goodbye. I was so ecstatic! My heart was so happy to see her. I couldn't contain my joy. I simply couldn't stop smiling, let alone be calm enough to sleep.

  I texted her to let her know of my joy. I'm pretty sure she called me silly. She was happy to, whether she admitted it or not. I said goodbye again so I could close my eyes for about 30 minutes. My heart as happy as it could be!

Thankful

   On Monday, I attended the funeral of my second cousin LeVonte. From what I heard from my mother by way of his mother, she didn't want the service that we had yesterday. Reason being, Dawn had previously laid to rest her grandmother and mother 10 years ago. This new death of her sin was too much and couldn't bear an extended service. Due to the fact that her son's father's family wanted a funeral service and was going to shoulder the financial cost, she complied, if only to take under consideration an opportunity for them to say goodbye.

   At the funeral home, I was very surprised to see such a large turnout. My surprise stemmed from seeing Vonte's father family and their supporters. This was my first time ever meeting that side of his family. Not all of our Sims family was able to attend but there was a good showing of support.

  To see the differences between the Sims family and Roberts family, one might just say that it was a class difference. Upon further inspection, the difference was a spiritual one. The Sims family has always had a foundation of holiness, i.e., Jesus Christ. Of course, not every person in the Sims family lives with this foundation but it was presented at an early age and what that person chooses later in life is their decision.

  I want to thank God for being raised in a family that knows God and salvation through Jesus Christ. That no matter the circumstance, there was still hope, faith, and love. I believe that because of this foundation God granted our family favor and allowed blessing of education, prosperity(monetary and socially), health, safety, and etc. We are a family of love and togetherness. We didn't have to worry about gun violence, drugs, broken homes, and violent deaths. I thank God for being saved and being filled with the holy spirit. I will continue to follow and serve HIM. I will teach my children to serve Jesus so that their lives will be long and that they will be blessed as well.

Soulmate

   I think this week marks the 3 months since I've seen her face in person. Of those 3 months, I think we haven't talked for 2 weeks at the most. I love her. I mean I LOVE HER. She is the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about when I go to sleep. I have never called anyone my soulmate before but she is that person. I have called others loves or great loves but never used the term soulmate.

   The books and articles I've read say to me that there are many possible mates on the Earth. With a little over 7 billion people on this planet, I am sure a person could find many persons suitable for marriage. I listen to the speakers in church talk about their wives: companion, sweetie pie, wifey, love of my life, and soulmate. I wonder, if the woman that they reference, is their first wife or second wife. I know I hadn't experienced it yet so of course I'm curious.

   Recently, she introduced me to her blog. We were having a conversation via text. She told me that she wrote about me "sort of." I was intrigued of course and asked to read it. Without incident, she sent me the address for her blog. During this conversation, she also confessed that she's had the blog since 2004 or 2006. I was emboldened to ask what would happen if I read her entire blog in one night. She would either be impressed or scared, was her reply.

   As I read later that night, I was enthralled by how she crafted the words on the page. What caught my attention more was how much she sounded like me. It was really uncanny. I loved it. Her words spoke to me. I LOVE THIS WOMAN. I finally reached the part where I am mentioned. She calls me the ONE, the one she has been waiting for all her life. Unfortunately, she believes my family will not want her. This still frustrates me to no end because she didn't give them a chance to see our love change their minds, to witness us, to meet and to know her. I know she's devastated because I am devastated. I simply cannot give up on a love like this. A WOMAN LIKE THIS.

   The next day, I read some more of her blog entries. I am convinced now that she writes like me, if i were to ever put my thoughts down on a page. I loved her before because the reminds me of my sister. I have always said, since my younger sister has gotten older, that I want to marry a woman with her spirit. I am falling even more in love her because of her mind. She thinks like me. She understands. She is a perfect combination of my sister and myself. I laugh when I say this because my mother says that my sister is just a female version of me. This is the first time I ever call a woman my soulmate.

   I have always been concerned that no woman could handle my intensity. In the beginning of our relationship, I would tell her all these things about myself and my feelings. When I had stopped, I look for a response but she was most often silent. She was "processing" and trying to make sure she was certain of her feelings. I knew she was my equal when, at times, we would disagree or she had hurt her feelings. She was not afraid to tell me. I liked that. She did it respectfully, which I loved even more. I knew her worth but more importantly she knew it. I knew what she deserved and would always give it to her if not more.

   I call her my peace and joy because when I'm with her she calms my spirit and causes me to radiate. Whenever I'm with her, the world slows down. Whatever worries I have dissipate. I don't always tell her my troubles but with her my mind can rest and I have peace. She is my joy because my heart is continually glad when I think about her. When I am able to see her, I can't stop beaming on the inside. She has the exuberance of a fairy. Her smile is infectious. I love to behold her beautiful green eyes. She truly is a great woman. She also loves God, which is tantamount. This also explains why she knows her worth. To hear her speak of things of faith, I get excited.

That same day, I tell her that I'm impressed with her blog and how she reminds me of myself. She points out that this is the reason we talk to each other all day every day. I inform her that "I'm not wrong about my thoughts of her." I mean, of course, that I believe she is my soulmate. I piqued her interest. I knew it would but I got scared because I wasn't ready to admit that to her just yet.

 I had recent meeting with the international education coordinator at my school. We haven't seen each other in awhile, probably a over year. We spent at least a hour and a half just catching up. I was telling her about work and school but then I started talking about HER.

   As I was talking about work and school, I had been deflated due to all the setbacks and delays. They had made me weary from the conflict. When I began speaking of HER, I came alive. I was passionate. I was excited. The coordinator could see how much I loved HER via my new spark in conversation. A phrase that she told me as we parted that stood out to me was, "You really seem that you're ready to lay it all on the line for HER."

   Pondering what she, I was ready to lay everything on the line for HER. 

News of a Death

   I was a movie this afternoon, when my phone rang. The person on the other end was my mother crying uncontrollably. My mind immediately started listing the reasons why my mom would be crying like this. The most obvious reason was that someone had died. I thought possibly she could have found my grandfather dead at his home. She informed me that she was going to drop food that she got from church over to him. I braced myself but through the sobs she muttered, "Vonte was shot and killed. Come to the car; there's stuff I need you to get."

   I stayed on the line and I head downstairs. I am silent but my mom's sobs fill the silence. I felt awkward because I had no words of consolation. Finally, I asked a question about what else she might have known. She answered. I reached her car and opened her door. There she was loudly crying and repeating "No" over and over again. I stand there in silence waiting.

  I hate this moment. I have no words to console my mom. I have no feeling of sadness. At least if I did, I could commiserate with her. Yet, I am stoic. I'm always stoic, it seems. I want to feel sadness for the death of my cousin. I just don't. This is my mother's only real nephew, her deceased sister's grandson. My mom is crying but what do I do?

  Truth be told, I haven't seen my cousin in more than a decade. He was probably 12 years old or younger since I remember seeing him last. He lived in Detroit and we didn't have a relationship. Just the other day, I was sharing with MY PEACE and JOY the tears I shed from watching a scene from "Scandal." I know I am empathetic or an emote. I can shed tears of joy and sadness from hearing songs, watching tv or movies, or even by a moment of thought. The only thing I can conclude is that I cannot be fake or disingenuous with my emotions. I must have a real connection or association with the person, place, thing, or idea.

Too many thoughts...

   I simply just have too many thoughts that I want to write now. From the time I woke up this morning, topic after topic filled in my brain. I said to myself today will be a good day to finish the other post I started last week. At the same time, I was thinking I should try to keep my posts current with my train of thought. 

   Ultimately, it doesn't matter because I'm writing for me. I do however wish that I could write simultaneously as I think the thoughts. I think it would be awesome to have cybernetic link to some kind of computer medium so I could get these thoughts down. I want to be productive with these thoughts. I know that if I tried to write down everything, I'd be busy all day. I would never get anything else accomplished.

 Anyway, I did write something today that was on my mind. I call that a win! That is what's most important.