I was a movie this afternoon, when my phone rang. The person on the other end was my mother crying uncontrollably. My mind immediately started listing the reasons why my mom would be crying like this. The most obvious reason was that someone had died. I thought possibly she could have found my grandfather dead at his home. She informed me that she was going to drop food that she got from church over to him. I braced myself but through the sobs she muttered, "Vonte was shot and killed. Come to the car; there's stuff I need you to get."
I stayed on the line and I head downstairs. I am silent but my mom's sobs fill the silence. I felt awkward because I had no words of consolation. Finally, I asked a question about what else she might have known. She answered. I reached her car and opened her door. There she was loudly crying and repeating "No" over and over again. I stand there in silence waiting.
I hate this moment. I have no words to console my mom. I have no feeling of sadness. At least if I did, I could commiserate with her. Yet, I am stoic. I'm always stoic, it seems. I want to feel sadness for the death of my cousin. I just don't. This is my mother's only real nephew, her deceased sister's grandson. My mom is crying but what do I do?
Truth be told, I haven't seen my cousin in more than a decade. He was probably 12 years old or younger since I remember seeing him last. He lived in Detroit and we didn't have a relationship. Just the other day, I was sharing with MY PEACE and JOY the tears I shed from watching a scene from "Scandal." I know I am empathetic or an emote. I can shed tears of joy and sadness from hearing songs, watching tv or movies, or even by a moment of thought. The only thing I can conclude is that I cannot be fake or disingenuous with my emotions. I must have a real connection or association with the person, place, thing, or idea.
I stayed on the line and I head downstairs. I am silent but my mom's sobs fill the silence. I felt awkward because I had no words of consolation. Finally, I asked a question about what else she might have known. She answered. I reached her car and opened her door. There she was loudly crying and repeating "No" over and over again. I stand there in silence waiting.
I hate this moment. I have no words to console my mom. I have no feeling of sadness. At least if I did, I could commiserate with her. Yet, I am stoic. I'm always stoic, it seems. I want to feel sadness for the death of my cousin. I just don't. This is my mother's only real nephew, her deceased sister's grandson. My mom is crying but what do I do?
Truth be told, I haven't seen my cousin in more than a decade. He was probably 12 years old or younger since I remember seeing him last. He lived in Detroit and we didn't have a relationship. Just the other day, I was sharing with MY PEACE and JOY the tears I shed from watching a scene from "Scandal." I know I am empathetic or an emote. I can shed tears of joy and sadness from hearing songs, watching tv or movies, or even by a moment of thought. The only thing I can conclude is that I cannot be fake or disingenuous with my emotions. I must have a real connection or association with the person, place, thing, or idea.
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