I need to amend or add an addendum to one of my posts. I criticized Jessica for wanting her family's approval more than a future together with me. Again, I didn't want to her to destroy her relationship with her family, meaning to never talk to them again for a life with me. I wanted her to not care as much for their approval.
Recalling her words from Sunday, "She needs her family. She misses them. She hates being in Lexington, alone away from them." Her impending new job, according to her thoughts, will keep her in Lexington for at least 3 years. If we stayed together, we wouldn't be married until sometime in 2017. Even then, I wouldn't know for certain about job prospects, either transferring or starting something new. That would still have her driving 3 hours to see her grandparents, 2 hours to see her sister and her family, and 6 hours to see her brother and his family.
I, on the other hand, don't need my family. I need them on some levels but currently I view them as a prison. I am not free. I haven't been free for 16 years. I relish the thought of one day not being needed emotionally, financially, or physically. Free to only have a concern for myself or a romantic partner or my very own family.
I know I sound horrible. On the contrary, I have sacrificed my very life for the well being of my mom and sister. I didn't have my twenties to be irresponsible and discover my place in life. I had to be perfect, driven, and dedicated to jobs I hated. Caregiving is a burden on one's heart and soul, that unless you've lived it, one can't fully understand the complexities.
That is where Jessica and I differ. She sees her family as an escape from her troubles and they can encourage her through the rough times. Yes, mine can encourage me as well but they are my troubles. They are my hard times. I can't escape them. I do love her family. I even envy her to some extent. I hope one day I can see my mom and sister as things I need to uplift me versus hold down. For my sake and the sake of my future wife and kids, I hope that it is in the very near future.
Recalling her words from Sunday, "She needs her family. She misses them. She hates being in Lexington, alone away from them." Her impending new job, according to her thoughts, will keep her in Lexington for at least 3 years. If we stayed together, we wouldn't be married until sometime in 2017. Even then, I wouldn't know for certain about job prospects, either transferring or starting something new. That would still have her driving 3 hours to see her grandparents, 2 hours to see her sister and her family, and 6 hours to see her brother and his family.
I, on the other hand, don't need my family. I need them on some levels but currently I view them as a prison. I am not free. I haven't been free for 16 years. I relish the thought of one day not being needed emotionally, financially, or physically. Free to only have a concern for myself or a romantic partner or my very own family.
I know I sound horrible. On the contrary, I have sacrificed my very life for the well being of my mom and sister. I didn't have my twenties to be irresponsible and discover my place in life. I had to be perfect, driven, and dedicated to jobs I hated. Caregiving is a burden on one's heart and soul, that unless you've lived it, one can't fully understand the complexities.
That is where Jessica and I differ. She sees her family as an escape from her troubles and they can encourage her through the rough times. Yes, mine can encourage me as well but they are my troubles. They are my hard times. I can't escape them. I do love her family. I even envy her to some extent. I hope one day I can see my mom and sister as things I need to uplift me versus hold down. For my sake and the sake of my future wife and kids, I hope that it is in the very near future.
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